Tiers of Joy

Admitting that I don’t know what to write isn’t the best way to up my readership, but what can I tell you? I have no fucking clue what to say.

No, I still don’t trust that this is happening. No, I’m still not telling people. No, I’m still not excited. Nothing’s going on, and no one wants to read about my continued reservedness, so what am I supposed to post?

I will tell you, however, that I’m not alone in this. Case in point: something a fellow PVED gal said over lunch last week.

I couldn’t trust that I was pregnant until 20 weeks, and then I still couldn’t get excited for several weeks more. Now I’m almost 34 weeks, and I’m still not at ease, but I am starting to believe that it might really happen.

I’ve heard other infertile women say similar things, so this timeline is the one I’m counting on. And since I’m 17 weeks today, I might be getting close.

But in the meantime, I got nothing, because you know what Bob Dylan says, …

you got nothing to lose.


About TG

My eggs don't work, so I manifested a baby via egg donation. Let's blog and see what happens.
This entry was posted in Donor Egg Fertility Treatments, Donor Egg Process, My Head, Pregnancy, PVED, Quotable Quotes and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Tiers of Joy

  1. It really hit me when baby started kicking daily. And then I finally let go and started preparing at viability. It will come – hopefully sooner than later, cause it feels so Damn good to just believe it!


  2. hope says:

    Personally, I think your feelings are very normal and I wouldn’t feel any pressure to change. All the delight and goodness and wonder will come in time. In my opinion, having a baby is a very difficult to comprehend experience. Back before IF, I had an OE child. I remember feeling scared and unable to believe that I was actually growing a baby inside of me. Being pregnant was fine. But it wasn’t this incredible bonding experience. I thought the kicking was creepy. I did learn that you are not supposed to say that aloud. but, it was just wierd. There is a person inside your body kicking you. That’s wierd. In time, I did grow to love each and every kick and am 100% over the moon with my adorable DD. But I don’t buy into this belief that pregnant women should bond with thier baby at conception. It will come when it comes to you and it totally makes sense that after years of IF that it will come later. Don’t pressure yourself to feel different. At some point it will hit you and it will be fantastic. But, we all have to wait for our moment. Best of luck!!


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