I have a question.
I always swore that I’d never consider egg donation. My reasons were that it’d be creepy, it’d feel false, and it’d be socially confusing. But after years of failed in-vitro treatments, my doctor said that the only way to get me pregnant was to use a donor’s egg, and now here I sit with fingers crossed, Viagra in my vag, and hoping against hope that tomorrow’s transfer takes.
So, have I lost perspective, or have I gained perspective?
And once these last cycles prove a bust, I’ll no doubt follow the same trend down the adoption path – again something I swore I could never get into because how do you raise another woman’s child and pretend it’s your own? But still. When the time comes, I’ll do it.
Are these moves of desperation, or is my experience allowing me to open up to other options that I wasn’t previously ready for?
I don’t know why this question is an important one for me. Maybe it’s because I don’t like to be reactionary, and I want to know that I’m making decisions with grounded perspective, but either way, it’s been nagging me for months. I’ve been pondering it and imagining that I’d one day blog about my brilliant answers, but I don’t have any brilliant answers. Just more questions.
Questions like: what the hell kind of M. C. Escher shit is going on in my head?
So if you have an answer, let me know, would you?