Prospective Perspective

I have a question.

I always swore that I’d never consider egg donation. My reasons were that it’d be creepy, it’d feel false, and it’d be socially confusing. But after years of failed in-vitro treatments, my doctor said that the only way to get me pregnant was to use a donor’s egg, and now here I sit with fingers crossed, Viagra in my vag, and hoping against hope that tomorrow’s transfer takes.


So, have I lost perspective, or have I gained perspective?

And once these last cycles prove a bust, I’ll no doubt follow the same trend down the adoption path – again something I swore I could never get into because how do you raise another woman’s child and pretend it’s your own? But still. When the time comes, I’ll do it.

Are these moves of desperation, or is my experience allowing me to open up to other options that I wasn’t previously ready for?

I don’t know why this question is an important one for me. Maybe it’s because I don’t like to be reactionary, and I want to know that I’m making decisions with grounded perspective, but either way, it’s been nagging me for months. I’ve been pondering it and imagining that I’d one day blog about my brilliant answers, but I don’t have any brilliant answers. Just more questions.

Questions like: what the hell kind of M. C. Escher shit is going on in my head?

So if you have an answer, let me know, would you?


About TG

My eggs don't work, so I manifested a baby via egg donation. Let's blog and see what happens.
This entry was posted in Donor Egg Fertility Treatments, Donor Egg Process, My Head and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Prospective Perspective

  1. mamadeux says:

    I just found your blog – such an interesting question! I think you are gaining perspective, not losing it. As someone who was conceived by donor sperm, I am nothing less than my father’s daughter and he is nothing less than my REAL dad. And as a woman whose wife is now pregnant using donor sperm, and has allowed another couple to be parents by donating eggs to them, I think that everyone has the right to be a parent by whatever means is medically available. Your family is the people you know and love, your parents are the ones who raised you. It’s as simple as that in my mind, although I know it is not to everyone. But I think you are becoming more open minded by considering all your options. Now whether you choose to pursue them based on time/money constraints is another thing. Hope that helps xx


    • TG says:

      Thanks for your comment, mama, and congratulations on your wife’s pregnancy! Your baby will be very lucky to have moms who are so grounded and thoughtful. And I love that you’ll have that sperm donor connection with your little one – very sweet.
      Best of luck to you guys!! xo


  2. sunflwr212 says:

    Hi…just happened to see your blog off another bloggers list. To answer your question I think we all grow and evolve in this journey. What seemed impossible/undoable a year ago or 3 years ago suddenly appears to be the right path after we have been on this journey. When I started, I too figured that I would not use DE, not for anything other than it seemed too complicated….and here I am now pregnant with a DE baby. For me the option was never having a baby or having one with DE….so I chose DE. But I did not jump on it and the idea took time to grow and evolve in my head until one day it seemed perfectly normal. All the best.


    • TG says:

      I agree: the idea took time to evolve for me, too. It’s been a long process, and I wasn’t very excited about the whole DE thing during my first try at it, but here I am at attempt #3, and I really want it to take. I’m excited for you that you’re on your way! Here’s to 9 uneventful months, Sunflwr ~ xo


  3. Kimberly says:

    You have gained perspective. No one wants to go through IF. We mostly all have want to have sex and get pregnant. But when that dosent work, we move on to the lesser of two evils. Living childfree. Or treatment, When one treatment does not work, we must re-evaluate again. We can live with treatment if we cant live without parenting. Same for donor egg. Same for adoption. For pretty much everyone, these are not their first choice. All along the way we have to evaluate what is important to us. Is it genetics? Is it pregnancy? Or is it parenting?


  4. Lanie says:

    I just think the further you get involved in treatment the more educated you become about your options and the more exposed you get to an idea, the more it could be a solution for you.

    I know I had to warm up to the idea of IVF for myself. I was shocked when my RE suggested it. But there I was after it failed, looking into options for financing “bring your baby home” IVF. Sign me up for multiple!! When my best friend offered me her body (I think she misunderstood, I did not need a gestational carrier, I needed eggs!!), I got to thinking that she has better genes than I do, I wonder if I could have her eggs. :)

    So yeah, I think you’re more open, educated, flexible, brave. Your child is going to be so lucky to have a mom who fought so hard for them. However they come into your life.

    Good luck! I will be sooo excited if this transfer works for you!


  5. marwil says:

    Very interesting thoughts here. I have similar ones. The more we are fighting through treatments the more we read and get exposed to different options that are out there. So, no, I don’t think it’s out of desperation we take those decisions, but for the hope of having the experience of pregnancy and/or paretning in the end. How we get there become less important, and we are willing to adjust and evaluate. And fingers crossed for the ebryo/s to stick around. Really rooting for you.


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