Festival of Lights at the End of the Tunnel

It wasn’t the best Hanukkah for me. Lots of drama that’s not worth getting into, so I won’t, but in between the bouts of mayhem, there was an especially sweet moment.

My mother urged me yet again to think about adoption. She knows of some baby-manifesting lawyer who gives away infants, which means that (1) she clearly has no idea what she’s talking about and (2) that she loves me.

Neither of these things is anything new, but then she said this:

Please think about adoption. Please. I know it’s not what you wanted, but you’ll love your baby so much, whoever it is. And you’ve been through so much. I know it’s expensive, and I know you feel you can’t afford it, but I’ll help you. Please, let it be my Hanukkah gift to you, and your Hanukkah gift to us.

It was the “your Hanukkah gift to us” part that made me cry. It meant that she would love any kid that I would put in her lap, which was good for me to hear because I knew that, but I didn’t really know that. It meant that she wanted grandchildren, and she didn’t care if they didn’t come from her, or didn’t come from me, or did come from a shady attorney.

It surprised me to realize how much that question had been tickling my anxiety, but I feel so much more at peace now that it’s quieted. Equally surprising is that I find I have a couple adoption questions for Mr. Baby Manifester, Esq. And I can see asking them, too. Although perhaps not quite just yet.


About TG

My eggs don't work, so I manifested a baby via egg donation. Let's blog and see what happens.
This entry was posted in Donor Egg Process, My Head, Quotable Quotes and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Festival of Lights at the End of the Tunnel

  1. Lanie says:

    Tears! That is the sweetest thing ever. I have a big lump in my throat.

    That’s another hard thing about infertility, watching the ones that love you, hurt for you. Those that feel your pain as deep as you do, like your parents. Mine just wanted so bad to fix it for me. It makes me so weepy.

    And you would love any child put in your arms, yes…but how to switch gears and start over when things don’t happen conventionally, and you have hoops to jumps through and so many decisions to make? It’s so complicated.


    • TG says:

      It really is complicated — and so intensely emotional. I often think of a quote I once read: Change happens when the fear of the status quo is greater than the fear of the unknown. I’d be naive to think that adoption would be any easier, but I know I can’t keep doing this, so if I want a family, that’s what’s left. Thanks for your support, and best of luck with your little one!


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