Case Study: Me

I’ve blogged about my theory that egg donation is not that different from adoption, and I’ve blogged about my negative feelings about adoption, and yet, I’m trying to adopt an egg. What gives?

Turns out I’m not the first person to have strong aversions to these things even while pursuing them, but there usually are reasons.

I know of one infertile woman who became pregnant with a donor egg baby, only to immediately regret doing it because she didn’t feel bonded with the pregnancy. The root of her story was that she was physically abused by her father as a child, and her way of coping with the beatings was to tell herself, “at least we look alike, so I know he still loves me.” She’d subconsciously learned that children must look like their parents for there to be love between them, and that’s something she had to un-learn before she could bond with the baby she was carrying, which took some work, but she eventually did.

Then there’s this other woman whose husband wanted to adopt even though she hated the idea. Turned out that it was her mother’s recent passing that was the issue. Her sadness wasn’t so much that the kid wouldn’t have a genetic connection to her (although that was a part of it), but rather than the kid wouldn’t have a genetic connection to her mom, and that loss was more than she’d prepared for. What she discovered was that she needed to grieve some more before being able to fill out adoption paperwork. She now has 2 adopted children, and she adores them both.

I have a story like this. In fact, I have two of them, but I’m not going to write about them here. There’s a part of me that feels like I should because I want to justify things I’ve written in the past by sharing the traumas and vulnerabilities that made me into a person who would feel that way, but I can’t do that here.

The point of all this is to say that I know I’m as messed up as anyone, and possibly more so. At best, I’m a work in progress. The good news, however, is that a part of this progress involves therapy to help me overcome the traumas that made it difficult for me to want to raise a child that I’m not genetically related to.

The other good news is that I’m getting there.

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About TG

My eggs don't work, so I manifested a baby via egg donation. Let's blog and see what happens.
This entry was posted in Donor Egg Process, Greatest Hits, My Head and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Case Study: Me

  1. Great points. Last night I had a nightmare where they were there with this cartoon-sized needle about to inject me with a donor egg (being a dream it was extra distorted of course) and just stopping and yelling no! My husband and I always wanted to adopt even while having kids (it’s about $18K for Ethiopia including travel and $14K is tax deductible..we found it cheaper than domestic and more our style as my husband is also from another country), so for me going the DE route is the scariest option. My roots in it are having been cheated on in the past (not in my current marriage) and feeling like my husband’s having a baby with someone else and I’m having to be its babysitter. Yet the concept of adopting an egg is what’s been opening my heart, not to mention letting go of my mother’s crazy (and cancer-infested) gene pool. I suppose in my own life I always felt like an accident for my parents who were not together for long and actively disliked each other post divorce, and adoption feels so beautifully deliberate. But hell, I still want it the “homemade” way as well.

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