About a year after my chemical pregnancy and the depression that followed, I decided to give IVF a fourth and final try. And I had good reason to be optimistic about it: my astrologer said that this time it would work.
At my last chart reading, he laid it out in no uncertain terms: July 2011 was going to find me pregnant, and March 2012 would bring me a baby.
OK, so he might not have said it exactly like that. He might have said something more along the lines of, “July is going to be a good month for you, and so is March,” but being that July and March were 9 months apart, and that “good” equals “pregnant,” it was obvious what he meant.
Which is why I wasn’t phased when the doctor said my chances of success were between 5 and 10 percent. Yes, those odds are low, but… well,… didn’t you hear what my astrologer said?
On perfect schedule, we started stims in June. Great. But a few days in, my ultrasound showed only 3 follicles growing. Cycle cancelled.
Shit. What the hell would this mean?
I wondered if my astrologer meant “around July.” Or, maybe I was actually born at 9:52 instead of 9:50, which would throw my whole chart off. In either case, it was obvious that I was supposed to have an August pregnancy. No, wait; I had to wait a cycle. So, September. Obviously.
Except that when I went in a couple weeks ago for my September suppression check, my doctor found cysts, which means I have to delay yet another month.
Clearly my ovaries didn’t believe in astrology.
Nor does my doctor. I clung to my paper drape after the ultrasound and tried to explain to him that I was supposed to have a baby in March, and that my reproductive system was delaying things significantly. He shook off his confusion and responded as best he could: “If you want to become pregnant, your best bet is to use a donor egg. Nine months after you start a donor cycle, you’ll have an 80% chance of taking home a baby.”
In the moment that he said that, it didn’t occur to me that he was making this prediction without having any idea what time I was born because… donor egg?